The life I used to live was full of passion. I cared so much about what was happening in the world it was a detriment to myself. It was difficult to function in normal society. Concerned with the social injustice of this world - I tried to remove myself from it. I aimed to not make purchases that had been tainted by the social sin of society. I would not purchase items made abroad in some exploited country, made by exploited workers under bad conditions, because it hurt my heart too much.
I refused to eat chocolate that was not fair trade, because of the relative high chance child slave labor was used in harvesting of the cocoa beans.
My "passion" put me at risk while driving. I could not look at a George W Bush bumper sticker without convulsing in a seizure of disgust. Once I was driving on the freeway, and convulsing in disgust, at a Dubya supporter's obvious display of bumper love, when the car in front of me made a sudden slow down. I had to slam on breaks in order not to ram the car in front me. It was then I thought, perhaps I should relax a little.
Over the years I have lightened up. It became too much to go to the store and not buy anything because I couldn't find something fairly made, without exploitation.
Despite all my efforts I still could not avoid my part in the social sin. I did not have to buy chocolate. But, I did have to buy fruits and vegetables. In America, the harvesting of crops are famous for bringing in migrant workers from Mexico for cheap labor often under questionable working conditions. If I wanted to eat I could not help taking part in this social sin.
I wanted to be young and frivolous. I wanted to go shopping and buy something because it was cute. I didn't want to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders anymore. So, I began to ignore my "passion."
I was 25 when my mom passed away at age 47. I began to realize life was short, and wondered what I was doing with me life? I didn't want to punish myself anymore. I wanted to be happy to live life and embrace it. I changed or suppressed the hurting part of me, to tell you the truth I am not quite sure. I ate non-fairtrade chocolate. I bought things because they were pretty. I traveled. I laughed. I loved.
Yet, I remain unresolved. Sometimes the passion is triggered. I feel it full force. I feel the pain. I feel the anger. I rage that I am unsuccessful at changing the injustices of this world.
Sometimes, outsiders, like to challenge those who care. They profess it's all very simple. If you care - if you want to change things - stand up and be heard. Change things. If you don't like war - say so - your government will listen, after all isn't that what democracy is all about?
Sadly, that is not how democracy works. You can stand. You can speak, but no one has to listen if you are on the losing side. It's a winner take all system here in America. So please, leave me alone, with your simple antagonistic ways. Amuse yourself some other way.